.:Bullet Proof Read:.

Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum, ameen.

I hate it when I feel sad, but it’s not a righteous type of sadness. Because it’s not wrong to be sad, so long as I don’t become ungrateful and lose hope in Allah… And yet I just wish I don’t feel sad like this. Know what I mean? Ahh, where has the shareefness gone…

Anyway, ‘eid was pretty good, alhamdulillah. I shan’t go into details about that… Not only will it be a boring account (yea not surprising) but also it seems like I have lost my entire fanbase. Which was mainly made up of Hass… And a special guest appearance by Dorkie. But you know what? I know out there somewhere, there’s a certain someone, a special someone who’s lurking around this blog, reading my posts, longing to make comments but hesitating… Yea, I know very well who this person is. I mean seriously, how in the world does she think she can hide from me? She’s MOTI! Uff.

And as such, I’ve decided to write this poem for her, to get her out of the dark corners of this daft site. I call it Uff.

Oh meri moti
How moti you be
If only we’d see
Food in the world be free

Then eat we would
After saying bismillah
As much as we could
Then say alhamdulillah

We might fight a bit
For that last piece of pie
But I won’t get into a fit
As they say no pie, no die

Then we’d sit and wonder
Just how much we had
Oh what a blunder
We just went mad

So no, it’s not nice
For all food to be free
And we should think twice
Before we go on an eating spree

Imagine the stomach ache
Imagine the pain on a tooth
Just for an extra piece of cake
No thanks man, UFF.

So I have the same mixed feelings every believer has at the very end of Ramadan. Such sadness at the departure of this blessed month, and such happiness in the celebration of ‘Eid-ul Fitr. May Allah accept from us and from you, ameen. I just can’t help but feel a little happier than usual because it means I’m getting even closer to meeting habibtee!!! 9 days Insha Allah… And at the same time, I’m already dreading the time when we have to part. It’ll almost be like, “Heeeeeeey youuuuuuu!”, and before we know it, it’s goodbye :(. And that’s sad, because I’d probably only ease up with her on the second day… And then I’d have to leave… Right at the climax, the best part of our meeting… *poof* back to my mundane life.

I see the same with Ramadan… Although of course I don’t exaggerate the blessings of my dear sister. It’s just how you deal with meeting someone for the first time and falling in love with them, only to part after a brief exchange and never see them for a long time to come. If the love was truly for the sake of Allah, and you have extracted benefit from the meeting, then it’s upon you to continue upholding the love and benefit when you’re apart. The sweet-smelling musk of goodness that has rubbed off on you can remain there til the next meeting, if you make efforts to prevent the fragrance from fading off.

When Ramadan came, you greeted it with the warmest of welcomes, you treated it well, gradually increasing in your devotion towards it, especially in the last ten days, when you knew that it too, loved and cherished your company and hospitality. And when it starts packing its bags, ready for take-off, you cry, begging for it to stay. You claim you will miss it. And you will, when it gets on that plane and disappears out of sight. Then and only then will you realise how much it meant to you, how much you needed it. But time will pass on by quickly, and you might start forgetting about Ramadan. You might forget all the good times you had with it, the happiness that you felt with it, and the tears that you shared with it. All that Ramadan taught you gets chucked into the rear end of your brain, only to be dug up in times of desperation… Until one day, Ramadan rings up and says it’s coming to town again. You get excited, you dig up the photo albums and you realise how much you’ve changed since the last meeting. Was it for the better? Wouldn’t you love for the answer to be Yes? Wouldn’t you feel ashamed if Ramadan came and realised you weren’t prepared for its arrival?

Well, Ramadan is just a month. Yes, it contains the best blessings and rewards, and therein is a night better than a thousand months (I hope we all found it!). But it’s just a month, out of a whole year. Will you be blameworthy if you forget about it for the rest of the year? Sure the sahabah would prepare for Ramadan five months before it, but will it be wrong for you to not do so? Of course not. What would incur blame upon you is if you forget the Creator of this month. And the only way you can maintain the benefits of Ramadan throughout the rest of the year is to remember its Creator. This is the same in meeting a person you love. Did I not mention that it is only with true love for the sake of Allah that the relationship will be of any good effect, whether or not you are apart.

I learnt today that the true believers would approach the end of Ramadan, feeling anxious and worried that their deeds are not accepted. So start recounting, reflecting and doing whatever you can in these precious last seconds…

May Allah forgive us and accept from us our good deeds, and grant us Jannah, ameen.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m very boring and I can’t keep a blog to save my life. I can’t even write decent poetry, sheesh. But whose suggestion was it for me to blog??? Noman’s. Ok so it’s not completely his fault, I was flattered and thought I could write TOO. But alas, I’ve proven myself wrong. So wrong, it hurts. Like this bone stuck in my throat. Maybe it’s gone but it feels like it’s there. Just like so many feelings I have. Feelings that should no longer exist, but I still feel them. And they hurt too. Everything’s linked. Just like chains. And chains, mind you, hurt when slashed with.

It’s all about being coherent.

I’m nervous. I really am. BUT I’m still SO excited lol.

I remember the first time I met meri bestie, Hass :D I remember feeling nervous then being blown away by her beauty, masha Allah :D It was such a short meeting, sweet… almost forbidden, the way she had to run off :P But well worth it :) Alhamdulillah!

Hiding my eyes
I appear sightless
But the view glares back at me
Right into my soul

His eyes peer into confusion
He questions why
His finger trembling as he points to the sky
He says, “Accountable.”

Meek excuses
I pour forth my lifestory
But the hurt, bleeding,
It blinds me.

He shakes his head
His tears began flowing
Too late, much too late
He vanishes as I awake

But my eyes were opened all the while
Stark, clear vision
Where did he go?
Why did he leave?

I bring my hands up, seeking
Only to see them covered in blood
I begin to drown in it
But I couldn’t move

Or did I not want to move?
O little brother, I have failed you
I couldn’t save you
And yet I watched

The blame is upon me
Nothing can bring you back now

As-salamu`alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Alhamdulillah. Welcome, welcome. I finally got a blog :P

I’m just really excited about meeting my dearest, beloved friend, insha Allah. So I thought I’d count down to that here!

At the same time, the days left of Ramadan are few… So maybe you’ll see some reflections here. Maybe you won’t.

Allaaaaahul musta’an.